Episode 13 – Motherhood Struggles

Hello, amazing readers!

Welcome or welcome back to another episode of my mom rants. It has taken me almost forever to pen this down. I’ve been experiencing writer’s block for weeks and couldn’t think exactly what to write about. I’ve tried penning down my recovery stage after my caesarean section, but I couldn’t put them into fine sentences. It’s an experience worth talking about, but at the same time, finding the perfect words is a big challenge.

Recently, I’ve had a new mom who is my friend who also had a caesarean section trying to explain how she’s feeling to people around her, but they cannot connect to her feelings. This is how I’ve felt trying to pen my experience down cause if you’ve never had a significant surgery, you wouldn’t know the intense feeling of recovery. To some, it might look like the easy way out from childbirth labour, but I can tell you that none of the methods are easy.

You always have your life up your throat in both situations. Recovery for me was smooth because I had a handful of amazing humans in my life who made the whole process easy. I was adequately catered for, had my incision cleaned timely, had a proper diet, was closely monitored, and had enough rest when needed. All these helped my healing process, and by the 7th day, you would hardly know I had a caesarean section if I didn’t mention it to you.

41 days after having my child, everyone had to return to their lives. Hubby travelled to a new country, my mom returned to her business, my in-laws had to go, and I was left with my little sister and best friend. My body was gradually returning to shape with the help of a proper diet, emphasizing “proper diet.” The discolorations on my skin didn’t come off easily as I tried many things.

I started experiencing many changes in my body like my nails getting darker and my ears echoing. I tried to explain everything, but no one could relate. I checked up on Google, and I wasn’t satisfied with the answers I got. Everyone knows that Google should be the last place you check for symptoms – it will really mess you up.

Luckily, I stumbled on a post on Instagram where mothers and relatives narrated after-birth defects they experienced in themselves and others around them. I read about some people who went deaf after childbirth, which gave me an insight into why my ears were hurting and echoing badly. I saw another TikTok video of a lady who had lovely nails, and after childbirth, they turned black and brownish.

This also explained why my cute fingers and toenails turned brown. The body changes can also mess you up mentally if you didn’t love yourself before. I had to recognize that bringing a whole human into this world is no child’s play, and every woman should be respected for this.

After one year, my pelvis is still cracky, and my joints still ache. I just had my first period after 16 months – I used to have a sight issue with that before pregnancy, but it got worse with childbirth, and now it seems like I’m partially blind. A lot has changed with my body.

Fast forward to now, my nails are back to normal, but my ears still echo occasionally, and I’ve not been the same ever since.

As much as I’m thankful for this beautiful motherhood experience, it is not easy. Sending my love to all the moms out there, y’all are the real MVPs.

Thank you for reading!

See you in the next episode.